


Lissa Explores New Horizons 2,

by Fartanari



Series: New Horizons [3]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Farting, Humor, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-27 00:35:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18187553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fartanari/pseuds/Fartanari
Summary: Ayyyy man, back at it again with Lissa farting into things. My second collaborative fic. Hope yall dig it. My main man Zeenoe (Kaygyuu on Deviant art) drew a lil somethin' to go with it aswellhttps://www.deviantart.com/kaygyuu/art/Bored-Lissa-789699805





	Lissa Explores New Horizons 2,

"Uuugh... What to do?" Lissa groaned as she lie flat on her stomach. Boredom usually came easily to her and today was no different. There was nothing on the schedule; no battles to prepare for, no marches to commence. She would have even accepted some chores to do around camp if it meant putting her body to some sort of movement.

 

Planting her face into the dirt, Lissa reared her hips back and ripped a rather lengthy, brassy fart in protest to her situation.

 

"Nice. Way to put the 'pig' in 'pig-tails,'" a sarcastic voice taunted.

 

Lissa quickly lifted her face from the ground to see Tharja's condescending stare as she covered her nose with her palm.

 

"I myself would rather refrain from using such harsh words, but I'm afraid I must agree." Maribelle added from a few feet away. "I swear, any louder and the entire camp would have heard that, Lissa. I mean honestly!"

 

Lissa dropped her head back to the ground again. Now she was bored AND she was being chastised.

 

"I'm fairly certain I've explained how... passing gas is no way for a lady to act!"

 

"Can't even be bothered to try and cover the sound..." Tharja shook her head.

 

Lissa covered her ears and groaned. Every single time she broke wind with even the slightest hint of noise, Maribelle would jump down her throat and lecture her about the finer points of ladyship. 'Lissa! Passing gas is wrong! Lissa! A princess is supposed to smell sweet, not like a barn house! Lissa! Stop wasting tomes to try and light your farts on fire!' You burn down ONE tree and you're on trial for life…’

 

For the next half hour, the princess had to deal with demeaning insults from Tharja and Maribelle's naysaying and finger-wagging. After the eternal onslaught of being told how wrong she was, the two women walked off, leaving Lissa alone, still lying flat with her face in the grass.

 

"Thank Naga." She muffled into the dirt. She thought she wouldn't hear the end of that last one. This whole routine was starting to get old. She couldn't indulge in a little fun bodily function that EVERYONE did without someone, mainly Maribelle, being right there to tear into her.

 

Pushing herself up from the ground, Lissa dusted her dress off and walked back to camp. It wasn't a great way to be driven into action, but this moment finally gave her something to do today.

 

Upon her return to camp, Lissa went directly toward the lunch tent to have something to eat. Food was always a good distraction but today it served a greater purpose. The haul wasn't particularly outstanding. Just some boar and bear meat that Donnel managed to spear. Either way, it was filling so she wasn't going to make a big deal out of it... well, not the boar meat anyway.

 

Doing well to serve herself moderately, Lissa sat down to enjoy her chow. There weren't too many people here at the moment, so she counted herself lucky to not have someone nag her about her eating habits.

 

Stuffing herself with as much pork as she could manage, the princess patted her miraculously flat stomach and licked her fingers clean. If Maribelle were here, she just knew there was going to be a word on that little act. With a good meal taken care of, Lissa returned her tray. Before leaving, she spotted an empty jar sitting on a shelf topped with a cork. That could definitely prove useful!

 

"Hey, Stahl?" The young knight was on cooking duty that day.

"Yes, princess?" he replied.

 

"Mind if I have that jar up there? The one on the shelf." Lissa pointed to what she wanted behind the knight. Stahl looked to see what she referred to and grabbed the glass container off the shelf.

 

"Can I ask what it's for?" Stahl asked.

 

"Oh y'know, stuff." Lissa answered. The knight gave her this unimpressed look. Before he had a chance to ask for it back, the princess waved and bolted out of sight with a quick "'Kay, bye!"

 

Next stop was the rations tent. A place that was normally empty. No one wanted to have to eat the tasteless junk in there unless they really needed to, but then again, that's why they were called "emergency rations."

 

Unknown to most, however, was that amidst all the hard crackers and biscuits was a special pouch of tea leaves hidden away. Digging through the tins and wrappers, Lissa found the very limited reserve of the blend right where Maribelle always left it. This was the good stuff. Expensive, foreign tea leaves that would cost an arm and a leg to obtain. Not to be consumed flippantly or with the same approach as any ordinary tea.

 

With both items obtained, Lissa left the tent and without raising suspicion, left the encampment. Lissa had run a fair distance away from camp and with an exaggerated hop in each step, making her stomach and it's contents wobble and slosh about. Eventually, she found her way to a small brook nestled away on the other side of some trees. All in all, the perfect location. Far enough away that no one would find her that quickly but not so far that she couldn't immediately run back if any shady characters encroached upon her.

 

Opening both the bottle and the bag of tea leaves, Lissa inhaled the bold, rich scent of this expensive blend. Just by smell alone, she could tell this would make for some fine tea. Maribelle had good taste, without question. Then perhaps it would be appropriate for Lissa to test that refined pallet.

 

With a devilish snicker, Lissa uncorked the glass jar. The container was spotless and free of any odor. Well kept, indeed. Taking the package of tea leaves, Lissa transfered what was left of the bag's contents into the jar. It came up to about halfway, which was just perfect. Lissa tosed the now useless bag to the side and proceeded with phase 2 of her grand plan.

 

Moving her dress out of the way, Lissa leaned onto her back and lifted her legs up to her chest. Then, she pressed the jar's lid right up against her butt. Her stomach gurgled from all that running earlier. All of that meat and what it produced was making its way through her and she was prepared to release the best.

 

"Here it comes..." She grunted through grit teeth as she lifted her legs a tad bit higher.

 

BRRRAAAAAAPPPPPPTH!

 

A loud, crackling fart roared into the jar, barely muffling the symphonic sound of her ass trumpet.

 

CRRRAKAKAKAKAAA!

 

And yet another for good measure! Exhaling from the force she put into those massive rips, Lissa brought the jar up to her nose to have a good sniff. Her immediate reaction was a hacking cough as she quickly pulled it away. Gods, she didn't expect her gas to pack THAT much of a punch. Mixed with the fragrance of those tea leaves, it all came together to form an assault on the senses that Lissa herself could only reasonably describe as foul.

 

"P-Perfect." Lissa commented as she cleared her throat. But now that she had sampled the horrid odor, surely it's power must have waned. If she was going to present this to Maribelle, it had to be fresh... so to speak.

 

Bringing the bottle back down to her ass, Lissa took the extra effort to move her panties out of the way. She wanted nothing to obstruct this ultimate tainting of a noble's indulgence. With the jar firmly in place, Lissa breathed in and with just as much force as before--

 

PPPBBBBRRRAPPPBBTH!

 

A fart so mighty, her fingers felt the vibrations on the glass, even managing to rustle some of the leaves inside! Very quickly, after filling the jar, Lissa grabbed the cork and pressed it into the lid of the jar, sealing it nice and tight. She shook the contents of the jar to make sure everything was incorporated thoroughly. The next person to open this would surely have their eyes watering in seconds!

 

The princess fixed her undergarments and stood up, holding the jar before her with unmistakable pride. The good ol' fart-in-a-jar prank but now with a twist! A favorite of hers but now with expensive collateral! Tossing the jar up and down in the air, Lissa made her way back to camp.

 

When the princess returned, she spotted Maribelle exiting the rations tent with a look on her face that she knew could only mean frustration. This made her latest prank all the sweeter.

 

"Hey, Maribelle!" Lissa waved as she re-entered the campsite.

 

"Oh, Lissa. There you are. I was looking all over for you." Maribelle walked over to her friend, taking notice of the jar she carried in her hand. "Darling, have you seen my, ahem, special tea?" She made sure to whisper so no one would hear.

 

Lissa shook her head, still with an anticipating grin that threatened to give her away. "Nope, sorry! We must have finished it all."

 

"Hm, but I could have sworn..." Maribelle tapped her chin wondering if she merely imagined having some spare tea left.

 

"Don't worry, that's why I went out and got you this!" Lissa presented the 'new' jar of tea leaves to her friend. "It's a very rare type of tea leaf. Super expensive too! You won't find it anywhere on Ylisse!"

 

"Lissa, you didn't have to go out of your way to buy me more tea. But I appreciate it all the same." Maribelle took the bottle in hand and looked around the glass casing for a label. Something to identify whatever this super expensive, super rare tea was.

 

She was prepared to open the cork and have perhaps identify it by scent, but Lissa's hands quickly held hers in place, preventing such a thing.

 

"Not yet!" Lissa squealed. "This tea is really special. Whatever you do, don't open it unless you're going to drink it right after!" Maribelle tilted her head, wondering what this was about. "For uh... freshness?"

 

"I see." Maribelle relented. "Well then, perhaps later today you and I can enjoy some of this mystery tea, yes?"

 

"Maribelle, I would love to be there and see your reaction when you try this stuff. It's great, you'll see!" Lissa used all of her mortal strength to not burst out laughing.

 

"Alright, then it's a date. I'll see you then." Maribelle turned and walked away with her new special tea mixture.

 

By this point, Lissa was practically crying from keeping it all in. All of her laughter and, of course, her gas. All that running really worked her stomach up...


End file.
